Anna Henderson

2-28-02

Homoeroticism Does Not Imply Dissatisfaction in Marriage

Although, as Karen’s paper indicates, homoerotic unions did satisfy the relationship desires of many people in ancient Greece and Rome, this does not imply, as she argued, that that convention of marriage as a whole at this time as unsatisfying or lacking. Her thesis argued that an indicator that Hellenistic marriages were unsatisfying was that people went elsewhere to find companionship and love. Although Karen showed many good examples in Plato’s Symposium and Sappo’s poetry of men and women in satisfying same-sex relationships, these texts give no concrete indication that these men and women were the rule in Hellenistic society. Rather, many other texts such as Oeconomicus and Alcestis, it seems that these couples were quite satisfied with their marriages. Karen states at one point "Marriages exclude the desires of many people (in Hellenistic time), so they must act upon these desires in other forms of union". Just like today, marriage does not fit everyone’s desires and needs; however, texts such as Oeconomicus and Alcestis give pictures of conventional marriages in which the conventions fulfilled both partners’ needs.

It is true, as Karen stated, that, by the conventions of Hellenistic marriages, men are called to take on the dominant role in the marriage and the women the submissive. Does this imbalance of power necessarily imply dissatisfaction, however? Karen postulated that "a man could only love a man as an equal partner, since he would see his lover as intelligent", but according to Oeconomicus, this was not the ideal. Rather, the ideal was an orderly, obedient wife. Ischomachus extols the virtues of his wife for several pages, but his very first words about her are that he never has to be inside because "(his) wife is quite able by herself to manage the things within the house" (VII.3), implying that this is her most valuable characteristic, that which makes him most proud of her. In Alcestis, too, the good wife is lauded for her faithfulness. Admetus, in grieving for his wife, cries "What can be worse for a man than to lose a faithful wife" (ln. 879-880). He was not extolling her for her wisdom, although it was quite smart of her to ensure her immortality by having her husband promise that he would mourn her forever. Therefore, it seems like these bright and well-regarded men delighted in their wives most for their morality and domestic skills rather than their ability to connect with their husbands intellectually. In Alcestis, Admetus’ feelings for his wife look much like ideal love and even passion when he cries out at her deathbed, "there would be nothing left of me if you died" (ln. 278). Alcestis apparently returns these feelings, since she offered her life as a sacrifice to save him from death. From Oeconomicus it also seems clear that the wife had equal affection for her husband in their interactions. When he tells her not to wear makeup anymore, he uses the analogy of what she would think if he covered himself in vermilion. She responds, "I wouldn’t touch vermilion with as much pleasure as I would you" (X.5). Even her attempts to look nice for her husband with makeup, however "misguided" in his eyes, show her desire to be a good wife for him. Therefore, these conventional marriages have strong indications of mutual affections and emotional satisfaction, leaving no need for the man or woman to search for fulfillment outside the marriage in homoerotic unions.

Through looking at both of these texts, it seems that marriage in the conventional sense was satisfying for both men and women to some degree. There were no specific examples in any of the texts from this course that either men or women went outside of their marriages into homoerotic unions to find fulfillment. Whether these unions would be considered ideal in present-day society is quite a different matter, but in Hellenistic society the married couples seemed comfortable in these unions. While many people did choose to engage in homosexual relationships, there is no indication that these choices were in direct response to dissatisfaction with the conventions of Hellenistic marriages.