Elizabeth Seif

February 17, 2002

Gender and Sexuality in Classical Antiquity

‘Faces of Love’ – Jealousy:

A Male Emotion

Jealousy is one of the harsher and more passionate faces of Love in Ancient Greek Society. Societal norms for love and relationships dictate that older men are the lovers who pursue women and young boys. Love infects the pursuer and causes him to have intense feelings about the object of his desire, but not always vice versa. Consequently jealousy is seen more as the active partner’s disease and is commonly associated as a male emotion. Women also experience jealousy but they are not supposed to be the pursuers in relationships according to societal norms. Since society only excuses the pursuer in the relationship acting on jealous impulses, a women doing so was improper because she was not supposed to be the active partner in the relationship. Hence jealousy was much more widely accepted as a ‘man’s’ disease. By examining the views of society in The Women of Trachis and the Legal Text VIII, Wounding with Intent to Kill: Quarrel over a boy, on love as a sickness, controlling jealousy, and how to win back a lost love, we can conclude that Love’s face of jealousy in Ancient Greek society appears to only be accepted as a predominately male emotion.

Society excuses many of men’s jealous and irrational actions because of the widely held belief that Love effects men like a sickness. In The Women of Trachis, Deianira continually excuses her husbands actions, blaming his outrageous deeds on him being poisoned by Love. When Heracles attacked a city so that he could win his mistress, Deianira blames Love for rousing him to such violence. She thinks that it is "love alone which bewitched him into this violence"(355). She has also justified all his past affairs with this same theory. Deianira mentions that Heracles "is sick as he so often is with this same sickness"(543) of love. Society has allowed men to use Love as an excuse for their outrageous actions as well as the legitimate reasoning behind their deeds. Deianira also expresses society's view on Love’s power when she says, "For [Love] rules even the gods as he pleases"(443). In a society where Love has power over the Gods, logically society would excuse mortal’s actions if done while they were in Love.

The same powerful “sickness”(543) of Love that affected Heracles also appears in the Legal Text. Many jealous actions in Greek society involved violence, as seen with Heracles and now by the defendant’s testimony. The defendant, as to overt guilt from himself, tells the jury the history of his relationship with this young boy and the violent other man, Simon, who also liked this young boy. The defendant lists numerous of Simon’s violent and improper actions such as, “bursting the door open, he broke into the women’s quarters,”(98) and “pelting…stones”(98) at the defendant. Although his behavior is reprehensible and not proper, it is seen as behavior under the influence of Love’s jealousy. When describing Simon’s actions towards the young boy, the defendant even calls Simon’s actions some sort of “mad behavior”(99) that he was “so completely at a lost”(99) as to how to deal with Simon. The defendant was puzzled by his behavior because it was seen as an uncontrollable. Love, because it is so powerful, had infected Simon and made him crazy. The ‘sickness’ and ‘maddening’ effects of Love were very prevalent in the society as seen in these two texts and justified many jealous actions including those of Heracles and Simon.

However Love’s ‘sickness’ and its jealous actions are only accepted when they occur in men. Deianira, who has taken Heracles’ mistress under her roof, gives Heracles what she thinks is a love token. Unknowingly her token ends up killing him. Her son automatically assumes that she is a conniving woman who planned this. Hyllus says to Deianira, “this is what you have planned…and you are caught. For this the Fury will requite you”(807-809). Society’s impulse reaction, as demonstrated by Hyllus, is to blame Deianira’s action on her poor character and to call her a conniving woman. If Deianira were a man, society would be more apt to partly blame her actions on jealousy or Love as society did with Heracles and Simon. Instead her actions instead are seen as unreasonable. Heracles wants to do everything in his power to punish her. When Hyllus tells Heracles that Deianira is dead, Heracles responds harshly, having wanted to kill her himself. He says “She’s dead too soon. She should have died by mine”(1133). Whereas Deianira’s actions are seen as something she should be punished for and killed because of, Heracles’ and Simon’s actions are seen as overzealous actions done for love. All three characters’ actions were based in love or jealousy, however only the men’s actions were so easily attributed to the overwhelming power of jealousy. Even though Deianira’s actions involved greater consequences, society views her as either a tricked women by the Nessus, who gave her the cursed cloak, or as a conniving woman, but not as a yearning or jealous lover like Heracles or Simon.

Society is more apt to excuse men’s jealous actions despite how embarrassing or improper; a woman on the other hand had to hide their jealousy feelings. In The Women of Trachis, Dieanira must hide her true jealous feelings in order to be a good citizen and wife, because society only excused men’s jealousy. She believes that “no sensible women … should let herself give way to rage.”(552-553) She also makes a point not do anything that appears rash. Deianira even asks the chorus for advice, “Unless you think I am acting rashly. If so I shall stop”(586-7). Deianira does not want to act rashly because it wasn’t appropriate for women to get jealous like men. They unlike men couldn’t act out in mad, violent rages. She makes sure that the messenger will tell Heracles that she “received the her [his mistress] as a friend”(628) and did not cause a commotion. Dieanira is careful not to come off as jealous because that is not an emotion women were supposed to exhibit in Greek society. Society does not allow Deianira the privilege to make a commotion and express her jealous feelings, as it does for men.

In the Legal Text VIII, Wounding with Intent to Kill: Quarrel over a boy, Simon is a good example of how men were allowed to act out jealousy and make a commotion. Simon caused a street brawl, which involved his friends, the defendant, the boy and the entire neighborhood; “A large crowd quickly gathered. There was a hostile demonstrations.”(100) Although there was “shame”(100) in the brawl because Simon was professing his love in public, society still allows Simon to release his jealous rage. In fact the neighborhood, a microcosm for society, watched the brawl and eventually participated in fight. Because women rarely acted out jealously and men predominantly acted out in violent jealous rages, jealousy was associated with violence and male emotions and actions. Consequently, Ancient Greek culture saw jealousy as mostly male emotion and action.

In The Women of Trachis Deianira must contain her feelings of jealousy because jealousy is only acceptable as a male emotion; instead she focuses mostly on getting Heracles back, and not exacting vengeance on the young women Iole. Heracles outrageously brings another woman into Deianira’s household, yet Deianira controls her anger. She tries to stifle her jealousy and refuses to act out rashly. The one of the few times she lets a glimpse of her anger show is when she first finds out about Iole. Deianira begins to start a tangent about the outrageous situation she has been put in by her husband, “For here I have taken on a girl”(536); but she stops herself by saying, “no - I can think that no longer”(536-7) and quickly regains her composure. She tries to detach herself from the situation and pretend to be a “ship’s master” that “takes on cargo, goods that outrage [her] heart”(538). In this metaphor Iole is the “cargo” that enrages Deianira. This is another example of how women must detach themselves from their jealousy because society doesn’t accept them acting out their rages. Consequently Deianira does the only thing she can do. She tries to win her husband back, by acting ‘appropriately’ in the situation. She never tries to harm Iole. She goes as far as to sympathize with the young women. Deianira says Iole “has been guilty of nothing shameful, and she has done no harm to me”(447-8). The only option available for Dieanira is to try to get her husband to come to home by way of a curse. She sends Nessus’ cursed cloak to Heracles so that he will fall in love with her again. This may not have been very clever, but Deianira desperately wanted her husband back, and did not do it consciously out of revenge. The audience is very sympathetic to her mistake because of her passive and calm reaction to her situation. However the audience and society might not have forgiven her so easily if she had sent the cloak in a jealous rage. This is seen by Heracles’ reaction of wanting to kill her when he thought she had done so on purpose.

Jealous men, on the other hand act out violently, and want to exact revenge on the other men. A scorned lover’s focus is to win back his love by defeating the competition for his love. In the legal text, Simon’s jealous acts cause a street brawl, as well as disturbing the neighborhood, the defendant’s household, and order. Although this is not considered proper behavior, society brushes it off as a lover’s quarrel because men are allowed to show their jealous feelings. The defendant goes on to say that Simon and all jealous men, “when they are in love and are robbed of the object of their passion…feel such anger that they attempted to obtain immediate vengeance”(103). Men were expected to fight for what they thought was ‘theirs.’ Not only were they supposed to court the object of their affection, but also seek vengeance on the other man. Simon, in various attempts to win back the young boy, attacked the defendant at his home. Simon would “refuse to go away”(98) from the defendant’s home “until expelled by force”(98). Jealous men had to prove they were superior over the other man before the relationship could begin again. Simon “used violence: he struck [the defendant and young boy]…and came rioting along, breaking down our doors and bursting in at night”(100). Simon, although portrayed as a menace, did not have full culpability of his actions, because he was in Love, and therefore was able to express his jealous rages and blame them on Love.

It was not as socially acceptable for women to act out in such violent manners. Women felt jealousy but they were not allowed to act on it, because jealousy was only accepted as a predominately male emotion. Maybe if society saw women as more of an active partner in relationships, it would be more socially acceptable for them to show their jealous emotions. Also if society accepted women expressing their jealousy in a different outlet other than violence maybe jealousy wouldn’t seem like less of a harsh face of Love. Instead jealousy could be an acceptable, very passionate, and integral face of love for both sexes.